Where should you retire?

When you decide to retire, how do you decide where to go? Here are some options you might have thought about:

You could retire to Phoenix, Arizona where…

1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away from your house because you found shade.

2. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.

3. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.

4. You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.

5. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

OR  

You could retire to California where…

 1. You make over $450,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.

2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.

3. You know how to eat an artichoke.

4. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

5. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.

OR

You could retire to Minnesota where…

1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup ..

2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.

3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.

4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.

5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.

OR

You could retire to the Nebraska where…

1. You’ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.

2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.

3. You have had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” on the same day.

4. You end sentences with a preposition: “Where’s my coat at.”

OR

You could retire to Florida where…

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.

2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind — even houses and cars.

3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.

4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.

5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.

Where did you eventually retire and what do you find funny about your place?

 

6 thoughts on “Where should you retire?”

  1. Well, since most of our children and grandkids are in this area, and we like our current home, we stayed in the DC suburbs of Maryland. Currently, this decision is reinforced by the fact that if we actually did move we’d pay a lot more for a lot less house.
    The Good:
    (1) see and interact with our kids and grandkids on a regular basis (e.g. having about a dozen for dinner and celebrating oldest daughter’s birthday this Sat). (2) actually have found capable and accessible doctors in the area; (3) relatively easy access to ocean beaches, short trips to NYC (great to visit, happy I no longer live there) and places like the Delaware Water Gap, The Homestead Resort in Virginia, etc.; (3) plenty of local history (Gettysburg, Antietam, St. Mary’s City MD, Naval Academy, Chesapeake Bay, Philadelphia (after the shooting stops) etc. (4) Museums – Natl Gallery of Art, Holocaust Museum, National Museum of Health and Medicine, Am Museum Natural History, Air and Space and Udvar-Hazy Center, and other Smithsonian entities, Baltimore Inner Harbor >USS Constellation, USS Torsk, Aquarium, Edgar Allen Poe (avoid the squeegee boys). (5) decent restaurants.
    The Bad:
    (1) Downtown DC crime & carjackings – off limits for us at present; (2) constant reminders of political dysfunction and lunacy; (3) Montgomery Co., and MD in general not economically “kind” to retirees; (4) MD state government flailing, little insight into economic principles; Baltimore has the third highest crime rate if all US cities, and has ranked among the highest for years; (5) traffic congestion circa DC is one of the worst in the country; (6) the Metro subway system in DC and suburbs is inefficient and costly, with poorly trained personnel and subsequent safety issues. They didn’t seem to learn from other large transit systems – e.g., is a two-track system throughout, meaning no express trains and forced single tracking delays for any mechanical problems; in that way, they may be like Congress.

    1. It seems like the good outweighs the bad if you can stay home, avoid the traffic and not turn on your tv!! Thanks for commenting. We all have to weigh our choices but good that we have some!

      1. Absolutely! Like you, proximity to children and grandchildren (La Familia) was a major factor. As for the TV, Marie threatens to turn off news shows because I argue with them; I don’t disagree.

  2. OR
    You could retire to Western Washington where…
    1) When the sun comes out everyone shouts and runs outside for the 15 minutes that it lasts.
    2) Kids wear rainproof Halloween costumes.
    3) Amazon high-end employees have driven up home prices beyond what you can afford.
    4) To get to Orcas Island in the summer, you better make your ferry reservation 3 months in advance.

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