What would I want in my memory box?

I have been a volunteer Long Term Care Ombudsman for 14 years.  Long Term Care Ombudsman representatives assist residents in care facilities and work to resolve problems related to their health, safety, welfare and rights.  The Ombudsman Program began in 1972 and now operates in all states, the District of Columbia, Puerto Rico and Guam, under the authority of the Older Americans Act.

As an Ombudsman I have visited Residential Care Facilities for the Elderly (RCFE) and have had the opportunity to meet many special people, who for various reasons were living in congregate facilities rather than in their homes.  RCFEs are usually separated into areas for assisted living and memory care.  The assisted living residents are largely independent but may need some help with activities of daily living, making it difficult for them to remain at home.

The residents of memory care units generally do not have the cognitive ability to live independently, most frequently resulting from dementia.   The CDC says dementia is not a specific disease but is rather a general term for the impaired ability to remember, think, or make decisions that interfere with doing everyday activities.  Alzheimer’s disease is the most common type of dementia.  Though dementia mostly affects older adults, it is not a part of normal aging.  The residents of the memory units are usually unable to move freely into the other areas of the facility and need close supervision in their area.

Many large assisted living and memory care facilities have “memory boxes” outside the residents’ rooms.  These usually include pictures of family and pets, career achievements and things that made their lives special and unique.  I love looking at them and find they also so helpful for future discussions with the residents in the assisted areas.

Looking at the boxes in memory units has deeply affected me over the years.   Many of these residents, who have been affected by various types of dementia, have limited memories of their past.  What has been most special for me is looking at the unique lives they led before dementia changed their lives and limited what they could do.  I have known residents who were NASA engineers, skilled plumbers and contractors, psychiatrists, surgeons, attorneys and possibly your next-door neighbor who loved to work in her garden.  Now their activities are controlled by others and the rules of the facilities where they live.  My heart breaks when I think of the people and memories they no longer recall and the limits on their futures because of a disease over which they had no control.

Seeing people who have lost so much has made me very aware of the importance of recognizing and treasuring the special people and things in my life.  I may or may not ever live in a congregate living facility and have a memory box, but I do know what I want in mine if I do.  It would have to include remembrances of my supportive parents; the love of my life, my husband Tom; Tom and Lynn, the best kids I could have wished for; the unique home Tom and I worked to make our own; my wonderful friends through the years, including my four-legged fur friends.

As we grow older, it is way too easy to focus on the many things we can no longer do.  When I visit with people who have lost much more than I have, I come away with a whole new appreciation for the things I can do and still have the freedom to do.  I hope I have not finished making new memories for my  possible future memory box.