Am I done yet?

Someone has said that Pablo Casals practiced on his cello for three hours a day well into his 90s.  When asked why he did that, given that he was already a world renowned Master Cellist, he replied, “I am beginning to see some improvement.” When I heard that, I wondered, “Is there anything I do that is so good that it doesn’t need improvement? Am I done yet with what I do with my life?” The answer is a resounding NO.  Everything I do needs improvement, but the question is whether or not I want to try to improve or just give up and say, “I’m done.”

When you get to be our age, those of us who are considered “elders,” a lot of the world around us considers that we are done. We have nothing much left to offer other than the money we leave our heirs (if any) and some volunteering for a local nonprofit or charity. Neither of those things are unworthy. It’s great to be able to leave something of worth to your heirs, and volunteering is an important part of our community. But I’m sure we often ask ourselves, “Is this all? Are we done?”

What else is there to give and contribute once you no longer have a work identity? I remember when I first retired from a full time job. We went to a party and someone asked me, “What do you do?” Well, at the time I wasn’t “doing” that much, but it felt like my work identity had been erased. “I used to…” just didn’t sound very important any more. I was done from working for an organization and earning a salary. I didn’t feel I was done with what I had to contribute.  I spent a few years trying out different things, but it was hard to find a way to contribute that gave me the same identity as my prior work. Once I had been retired for a few years, I felt more comfortable talking about what I do, not what I did.  So what do I do? And is it enough?

Not having to work full time gives you a lot of free time.  That free time becomes more and more attractive as the years go by.  I have written about the effect of the pandemic on our time, and I must admit I have really liked the freedom I had in 2020 to do nothing or something or whatever I felt like doing. I also started focusing what I wanted to do with my time. Working for a salary or even working pro bono was not everything. In fact, it became much less than anything.

What is there left to do once you are not “working”? I am not a crafty person. I don’t knit or sew or paint.  What I have discovered is that I can support my husband, kids and grandkids in new ways; I can cook something they love;  I can watch their games and events; I can listen when they are feeling happy or unhappy; I can connect them with my friends and colleagues if the situation allows;  I can share my experience with my new friends and contribute to the governance of the place where I live; I can still write great Letters to the Editor and I can start a website like this one to share my thoughts and experiences with my co-bloggers and all of you.

I don’t feel like I am done. Anthony Fauci and Joe Biden don’t either and they are both about my age. But I am immensely grateful that I have the resources and time to do exactly what I want to do. I don’t need to solve global warming or the withdrawal of troops from Afghanistan or the voter suppression laws that are sweeping the country.  But I will contribute. I will not give up on sharing my point of view. Nope. I am not done yet.