When non-seniors see me or any older person, what do they see? Oregon State University researcher Michelle Barnhart does not paint a pretty picture of attitudes toward seniors. She says “Our society devalues old age in many ways and this is particularly true in the United States, where individualism, self-reliance and independence are highly valued.” She continues that almost every stereotype associated with being elderly is negative, including crotchety, stubborn and forgetful.
Dave Bernard in US News lists the following words often used to refer to seniors: wrinkled, grumpy, absent minded, stuck in the past, a burden on society, miserable, unhappy, fragile and feeble, which is my very favorite. Ian Stuart Hamilton, Ph.D. in Psychology Today reports that what people know about aging is not necessarily the way they feel about aging. He says implicit attitude testing when applied to aging indicates that the more favorable words used to describe younger people and the more unfavorable words used to describe older people play a big part in determining immediate reactions to older people. He says that almost everyone has a negative implicit attitude toward older people and aging for themselves.
Sadly, from my experience as a senior and as a volunteer with seniors, I agree with their evaluations but they cannot be further from the truth. If you ask most seniors, they will say they feel a lot younger than their number of years show. A survey done by the Pew Research Center showed that the older people get the younger they feel relatively speaking. Survey respondents 50 and above reported that they feel 10 years younger than their actual age. One third of respondents between 65 and 74 say they feel 10-19 years younger than their actual age.
The Pew Research survey indicated that older adults have a count-my-blessings attitude when asked to look back over their lives. Forty-five percent of adults 75 and over reported that their lives had turned out better than they had expected while only 5 percent reported that it had been worse. The remainder said things turned out about the way expected or did not answer that question.
Obviously aging has it downsides and problems. Many of us have experienced serious illnesses, loss of loved ones, loss of abilities and loneliness. However, the Pew survey reported that these problems are not nearly as serious or widespread as what younger people expect them to be for themselves.
These issues tend to accelerate as we age well into our 80’s and beyond but even with these challenges, the vast majority of adults 85 and above are at peace with their circumstances. Adults in their late 80’s are as likely as those in their 60’s and 70’s to say that they are experiencing many of the good things associated with aging including time with family, less stress and more respect.
I have mentioned before that I have worked with seniors who go to our senior center, worked with seniors living in care facilities and with seniors choosing to stay in their homes through Conejo Valley Village. Of course, some of them have experienced loneliness and depression, dealt with serious illnesses, lost the ability to walk without help, and passed away.
I sincerely believe that most seniors I see have learned to make the best of their circumstances and are no more unhappy, grumpy or stubborn than many of the younger people I see. Dave Bernard in his US News article said that if we are fortunate enough to grow to an advanced age we may need help with daily living activities such as driving, medications, shopping and cleaning our homes. However he points out that “underneath that wrinkled skin often shines a spirit and strength of will that should inspire, not cause ridicule.” This is exactly what I have learned from working with so many wonderful seniors from 65 to 108.
Maybe it is time for our society to re-evaluate our feelings toward our rapidly growing senior population. Please do not see us as fragile, mean, living in the past, stubborn or weak. Please do see us just as you see other age groups in our society. We are not all strong but we are not all weak. We are not all cognitively 100 percent but we are not all confused and forgetful. We are not all happy but we are not all sad and depressed. We are not all active physically but we are not all couch potatoes.
Please see us as people fortunate enough to have lived long lives filled with accomplishments and disappointments, love and loss, wins and losses and happiness and sadness. We are just like other age groups but have been able to keep going when times were good and also when times were difficult. We are people trying to make the best out of our life and circumstances – just like everyone else.
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