Getting older is challenging. 
The image of seniors running through fields of flowers while the narrator of the drug du jour is naming all the side effects is both complete fantasy (we don’t run through fields much) and sort of true (we do need more drugs than we used to). No matter how we eat or exercise, our body does change over time. We may need to take drugs we never even heard of before. There are definitely more aches and pains that Advil or Tylenol can’t erase. We move more slowly, get up off the floor with more grunts (if we can get up off the floor at all), digest more slowly, sometimes don’t hear as well as we used to. In an evolutionary sense, I’m not sure we were meant to live to 100 or even our 90s, although many of us do. In past times, people died appropriately before they couldn’t do all the things they used to do.
Probably the most uncomfortable part of being considered “older” or “elderly” is the patronism of the young. “Sweetie,” “dearie,” they call you, or “young woman”. They may try to flatter us by telling us how much younger we look than we really are. It’s well meaning, but it doesn’t ring true. When we look in the mirror, we see the wrinkles, all of them! One of the pleasures of occasional flattery, I must admit, is going through Security in an airport and being told you have to take your shoes off, when you are actually over 75 and no longer need to do that. “My, I would have thought you were much younger,” they might say. Not really, you think, although you may secretly love that they say it.
Growing old does have some perks. We get discounts on a lot of things. People open doors or carry heavy things for us. We don’t have to worry as much about how we look, because there are limits to what we can do about it anyway. And we have Medicare which is really better than good. It’s great, compared to what we had before.
But being older doesn’t mean we have lost our minds, and we don’t need people to speak loudly in front of us, no matter what the state of our hearing is. We can ask for help if we need it, but don’t assume we can’t cross the street on our own or figure out how to use the DVR. Some of us are quite adept at electronics and might even know the latest song our grandkids are singing. Some of us actually start a blog!
When the three of us decided to start this blog, we called it “proud aging women,” because we wanted to dispel the idea that being older is something to dread or be ashamed of. It’s inevitable and pretending it is not happening is folly. We know that we all age in different ways, and it should not be a competition. We have the genes we were dealt with, some of which we can improve on and others we are doomed to live with. That woman in my exercise class who can put her leg behind her head? She’s in her mid 80s. Me? I’m lucky if I get my leg up to mid-thigh level!
So yes, the three of us are old and we are actually fine with it (most of the time). How about you?
As a senior citizen facing many of the ‘typical’ problems of aging, I find this blog very timely and interesting. One of the biggest concerns I have about aging is the relative rate of decline between my physical body and my brain. My mother died from Alzheimer’s dementia (AD) at age 84. Long after her speech, language, self awareness and cognitive persona had entirely evaporated, her body was still healthy as a horse upon her death. She (or her physical body at least) might well be alive today (age 104) had we had simply decided to put her on a feeding tube rather than allow her to die naturally in hospice. The key thing I want to point out is that aging means different things to different people. As long as my brain still works, I’m like ‘Aging?, no problemo!
Steve, you are spot on. I think all of us worry that our brains will cash out before our bodies do! We don’t want to be kept alive as entities that no longer recognize ourselves much less others. That’s why Hospice is so helpful and, frankly, the Death with Dignity in California that allows us to make our own choices in certain situations. Nancy and I hope to both post on Hospice in the coming weeks because we believe it is such an important program and one that is much misunderstood. Thanks for commenting!
Thanks for your insightful comment, Steve. We really appreciate it. Happy 4th of July.
Nice site!
I sympathize with you, trying to keep your dad safe but also encouraging him to stay active! It’s one thing to deny your age; it’s another to deny that you are “aging”! I think it’s a delicate balance between acknowledging your limitations and still wanting to challenge them. Unfortunately, sometimes it takes a more serious injury to shake some sense into people. “Pride goeth before a fall”….my husband and I laugh about that a lot when he hesitates to use his cane because it makes him look “old”!
Thanks. Linda; you triggered something here. I wonder if he spent more time with folks his age, and saw the “doing better than me” and “doing worse than me” directly, if that might help. I’m going to pull up the Senior Center post and see id I can get him to consider a visit.
Thank you, all! It’s helping! Please keep going!
Ed
Thank goodness I started going to our senior center when I retired at 64. It was hard to admit that I was old enough to go but surprisingly I fit right in. I have taken painting classes, bridge classes, taichi and my current favorite mahjong. Equally important I have made friends, shared meals with them and simply found a place where I feel at home. Every dad should have a son like you, Ed. Thanks.
I would suggest taking a look at your dad’s interests…does he like to play pool? Bowl? Fix up old cars? Garden? See if the Senior Center offers any of these activities or groups. Maybe there’s a lecture there you or your sister could take him to. I’m not going to suggest it will be easy. It sounds like he’s a pretty stubborn guy!
Great ideas! On it!
I agree and have felt every everything you mention personally. It is hard to accept aging and not being able to do the things we never gave a second thought to doing. We just did them. Now there are limitations and they are sometimes difficult to adjust to. However, we are where we are in life, and we are still here.
Eileen, you are so right. It is painful to think that we might not be able to take that trip because it involves lots of walking on cobblestone streets! Or thinking you don’t have to write something down because you will just remember it! I now live in a place where I see older people all the time — some are in much better shape than me, others not so much. It does make me realize that I am not alone in how I feel about it all. And knowing others are going through the same things somehow takes away the sting.
Eileen, I think you will always be young in spirit and heart and that is a good thing.
Very interesting, Linda. I’d love to hear all three of you talk about how you came to accept that you couldn’t, indeed, do all you used to – and turned your working and thinking to maximizing all you COULD do.
My sister and I are working on that with our 79 year old Father who keeps injuring himself because he really can’t wrap his head around the fact that he’s not 60 any more!
Thanks