I started researching articles about fears of aging about a month ago to write this post. One of my goals was to firm up my belief that aging is just another stage in our long lives and one that can be lived and enjoyed to the fullest. Anyone who knows me is probably aware that aging has never really been a big issue for me. I have no problem in telling people that I am turning 77 this month. I have never felt old or vulnerable but will the Coronavirus affect how I feel about this from now on?
On a daily basis I hear from the media and my family that I am way too old to continue my normal life of going and coming whenever I want to. Prior to this virus, my life was filled with friends, volunteering, meals out, mahjong and doing whatever I wanted to do when I wanted to do it. Our senior center, library, Conejo Valley Village activities, volunteering, meals out have all come to an abrupt stop. Instead of days filled with activities and involvement, days will be spent isolated in our homes. which we all know is not ideal for seniors particularly for those of us living alone.
When I woke up this morning, I realized that without my dogs it would have been ever so tempting just to roll over and stay under my fluffy comforter. I have always considered myself to be a strong, resilient woman and have gotten through some tough times as have most of the seniors I am fortunate to know. Dealing with long periods of isolation can be very difficult for anyone but especially for the many seniors who live alone and are not near family.
I am convinced we will make it through this if we support each other by keeping in touch and helping in ways that are safe for everyone. Our Conejo Valley Village book group is meeting on Zoom and I just received an invite to a restorative yoga class also on Zoom. I have had Babbel on my computer for months but not had time to use it. Well now I have plenty of time and may speak fluent Spanish when we are back to business as usual, which we will be. If we all simply reach out to others and take baby steps for ourselves like getting outside, reading books we have not had time to read or learning something new, we will be make it through to the other side of this virus. Please share any ideas you have for making this work for us all.
I hope you will now continue to read my original version of this post on why some of the fears we have about conditions that always accompany aging are simply not accurate.
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This should be a very stress-free time of life for me. I am very fortunate to live in the home I love, feel financially secure, seem to have general good health and most important a wonderful supportive family. So why should I ever have worries or concerns about growing older?
Fear of aging is one of the most common fears there is. The name for an abnormal, incessant fear of aging or growing older is Gerascophobia. Gerascophobia can be associated with anxieties about being left alone without resources and incapable of caring for oneself.
Some of the most common, but not accurate, reasons given for the fear of aging are as follows:
- Older People Always Get Sick and Experience Chronic Pain. No one can exclude themselves from some age-related pain and illness and some diseases are more common as we age. However, this does not mean aging is always associated with poor health or being confined to a wheelchair. Research has shown that 1 of 4 older Americans has poor nutrition which can weaken your muscles and bones and make you more susceptible to disease. Proper nutrition and exercise are critical to enjoying a healthy later life.
- Memory Loss and Confusion Are Inevitable, Life-Changing Parts of Aging. The CDC says that although there are normal age-related changes in memory and thinking, confusion and memory loss that interfere with your daily living are not normal parts of aging. While 5.8 million Americans have dementia, this is not a considered a normal part of the aging process.
- Older People No Longer Contribute to the World. Quite the contrary. Millions of people 65 and older volunteer every year and including the 55-64 demographic brings the number up to 35 percent of our entire population of volunteers. The Corporation for National and Community Services estimated that 20.7 million senior adults contributed more than 3.3 billion hours of service to their communities. They estimated the economic value of these services at $75 billion dollars. Many grandparents care for grandchildren now making it possible for their parents to be remain in the work force and provide for their families. According to Bloomberg, 20 percent of those over 65 have not retired. It is very obvious that many seniors continue to be productive valuable members of society.
- Older People Become Isolated, Grumpy and Unhappy. According to AARP the assumption that grumpiness and unhappiness go along with grey hair and wrinkles is simply wrong. “Older people tend to be happier than the general population,” according to Dr. Heidi White, a Professor of Geriatric Medicine at Duke University. She says these negative stereotypes are because we are still an ageist society and misunderstand older adults. Most of us are relatively content, patient and experience some mellowing in attitudes. A phenomenon called the Positivity Effect often sets in where we remember the good over the bad.
According to an article in Business Insider, research has shown that people report their highest level of happiness after 55 in their financial situation, their physical appearance (where they reach their peak satisfaction after 70) and their overall well being. Overall happiness peaks at 23 and again at 69. A Bank of America/Merrill Lynch report said there is “scientific evidence that people get happier as they get older.” The report said that while theories differ as to why this is, most agree that it is an acceptance of aging that promotes contentedness.”
If we recognize that we are not all grumpy, in pain and forgetful, maybe we can begin to look at normal aging in a more favorable light.
Sources:
www.cdc.gov>publications>features>dementia-not-normal-aging
www.aarp.org/health-healthy-living/info-2018/grump-old-men-myths
www.bloomberg.com/April 22 2019 America’s Elderly Are Twice as Likely to Work Now Than in 1985
www.Business Insider, Mark Abadi, The ages people are happiest with their money, their looks, and their life, in one chart. December 9 2017
www.nationalservice.gov>newsroom>press-releases/2015/value-senior -volunteers-US- economy-75 -billion
Nancy, thanks for this excellent post. Just because I have a few more aches and pains at 82 than I did at 32 doesn’t mean that I should give in to them, unless they are so debilitating that I have no choice. I find that I feel much less stress than I did when I was younger. As for memory loss, yes it can be a bit frustrating sometimes. Some people equate a bit of memory loss with dementia, which is like calling the sniffles pneumonia. When I was raising my children I always reminded them that attitude is everything. They both tell me from time to time how valuable that has been in their lives. Instead of focusing on what I can no longer do, I am grateful and enjoy what I can do.
I agree with everything you said. My life was filled with stress when I was younger and it seemed we were always competing for something – a new boyfriend (way long ago), a better job or something. Now I truly cannot think of anything I want except good health. There are good things about being an older adult. Thanks, Bunnie.
Great article Nancy, as usual!
Whenever I find myself getting ‘down’ about aging and my various challenges with aging, I tend to look on the bright side and say to myself, ‘Well this time of life may suck sometimes, but at least it doesn’t last too long!’ So now when I go to my dentist and she wants to give me a root canal, I just tell her, ‘I have a life expectancy of 9 years, how bout we schedule that for maybe 2029?’ This always gets me a quizzical look followed by somewhat forced laughter. But that is one of the coolest things about getting old, I don’t have to plan ahead anymore!
If we have any dentists as subscribers, they would scream about leaving a root canal alone because of the potential for infection and even worse problems. However I totally agree about ignoring things that are not emergencies or are just “nice to have” but cost a lot! Replacing all the fillings in my teeth with gold or something? Cleaning every 4 months instead of 6?
Steve, with people living into their 100’s, it may last longer than we anticipated years ago. Who knows? We could have many good years ahead of us. Don’t know if you saw the British veteran who had started walking to raise money for a local charity. He just kept on walking and walking and has raised I believe about 33 million dollars. He is 99. I actually told myself that if I could be like him, I would be ok with being 99. Our attitudes determine an awful lot. Thanks and stay well.
Good morning Nancy – terrific BLOG – all of the things you refer to and quote happen to be true in my life at the moment, the hardest part is that I can no longer drive, as Kaiser sent me to a Geriatric Group meeting, which turned out to be awful for me, and the physician in charge decided that I should no longer drive, even though I had just renewed my drivers license without any problems – my mistake, I decided not to fight it out, and now have to depend on all my friends for everything – if that happens to anybody that reads this, please FIGHT for your rights, as I am no longer independent, and that makes me very unhappy. Thanks to all the good people in my life.
I really don’t understand! Since when does a physician make the ultimate determination about whether or not a person can drive a vehicle? Even if you are the patient of that physician, that physician has no such authority. All physicians ever do is make recommendations to patients, which the patient is then free to entirely ignore if they so choose. The DMV, not the medical profession, is the ultimate authority over whether or not a person is qualified and competent to drive a vehicle!
Steve and Ursula, I have shared Ursula’s story with so many people. I think in her case the physician notified the DMV of their findings and they took away the license but the physician and geriatric staff had not shared with her what they were doing from the beginning. I agree with her that I should be told the purposes and results of any tests. Just because I am an older adult does not mean that I could not understand what is being tested for and what the results may be used for.
I did some research. In California, a physician, a family member, or anyone at all can file a form with the DMV (anonymously, if desired) alleging certain facts which MAY lead the DMV to require the driver to come in for reexamination. Obviously certain mental disorders such as epilepsy or dementia, which may have a bearing on public safety, do suggest that a driver be reevaluated by the DMV for their fitness to drive when such conditions become known to them. That is perfectly reasonable, but in no way, and at no time, does the physician determine the outcome of said DMV reexamination. By law that determination is the exclusive prerogative of the DMV. Obviously I should have become a lawyer not an engineer.
Ursula, I have shared your story with many people and sadly there are others who have similar experiences where they were unaware of the nature of the testing and/or what the results could be used for. Thanks for sharing your story.