Here are some things to think about. Which one tickles you the most?
1. If a bottle of poison reaches its expiration date, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?
2. If you find yourself feeling useless, remember: it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban in Afghanistan.
3. As I watch this generation try to rewrite our history, I’m sure of one thing: it will be misspelled and have no punctuation.
4. Over 100 years ago, everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.
5. My mind is like an internet browser. At least 18 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.
6. As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake!
7. I’m responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.
8. My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days. I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously, there’s a new strain out there.
9. It’s not my age that bothers me – it’s the side effects.
10. As I’ve gotten older, people think I’ve become lazy. The truth is I’m just being more energy-efficient.
11. I haven’t gotten anything done today. I’ve been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.
12. Turns out that being a “senior” is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
13. I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.
14. Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.
15. There is no such thing as a grouchy old person. The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest.