When you decide to retire, how do you decide where to go? Here are some options you might have thought about:
You could retire to Phoenix, Arizona where…
1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away from your house because you found shade.
2. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
3. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
4. You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
5. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??
OR
You could retire to California where…
1. You make over $450,000 and you still can’t afford to buy a house.
2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.
3. You know how to eat an artichoke.
4. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.
5. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.
OR
You could retire to Minnesota where…
1. You only have three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup ..
2. Halloween costumes have to fit over parkas.
3. You have seventeen recipes for casserole.
4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.
5. The four seasons are: almost winter, winter, still winter, and road repair.
OR
You could retire to the Nebraska where…
1. You’ve never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.
2. Your idea of a traffic jam is three cars waiting to pass a tractor.
3. You have had to switch from “heat” to “A/C” on the same day.
4. You end sentences with a preposition: “Where’s my coat at.”
OR
You could retire to Florida where…
1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.
2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind — even houses and cars.
3. Everyone can recommend an excellent cardiologist, dermatologist, proctologist, podiatrist, or orthopedist.
4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.
5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.
Where did you eventually retire and what do you find funny about your place?