We welcome Sandy Conant Strachan to our website today, offering us words of encouragement and hope as we all cope with the world around us.
A friend shared the feeling of being on an emotional seesaw between the “state of the world” and her day-to-day life. Outside her bubble are wars on every continent. Greed, conflict and intolerance that too few people protest. Too many needless deaths. Meanwhile, back at the ranch that’s her life, she has plenty of food, a roof, friends galore, enough money, a sense, however fragile, that she’s safe and secure. Her question was “How do we navigate this reality?”
I asked friends on Zoom the same question. One woman immediately shared the story of her mother in WWII –widowed, with 3 children, a rented house, no steady work. I asked how her mom managed this. Her answer? “She coped.” Other examples came to the same point – “They coped. They just coped.”
So I thought about what it means to “cope” – a vague word we use when someone survives hardship. What are the strategies for coping? Does it mean a stiff upper lip, stoic acceptance of circumstances, a defiant toughness, a rigid belief that somehow God is in charge? Is it filling up your life with ‘doing’ so you don’t have to think?
The result of these questions was MY answer to what I need to do to cope. In other words—what keeps me from either sliding into despair or shutting my eyes and hoping for the best? What pulls me forward? What helps me focus on “resilience”– not just survival? What allows me to look for meaning where there seems to be none?
Here’s what I came up with — The Three Bs:
- Be BRAVE: I call this the Bonhoeffer strategy. Dietrich Bonhoeffer was a nondescript pastor during WWII who took a huge risk to overthrow Hitler, and he died for it. You could say it was a futile death, but it wasn’t a senseless one. He left a legacy of courage. Bravery has many faces, but it’s always disruptive and often dangerous. It’s choosing to be uncomfortable and unsure, yet quite clear about where you want to make a difference. It can be very small or very large – but it’s an action that is an investment in the future you want to create. Look for opportunities to be brave.
- Seek BEAUTY: It’s all around us. Take time to find it. Bathe in it. Trust that it’s there. It can be holding a grandchild, looking at the mountains outside your window, art, music, cooking, exploring a new hobby, walking in the woods or writing a daily journal. All you need is to be aware and grateful when you discover it.
- Create BALANCE: Don’t allow yourself to fall off on one side or the other of the seesaw, to sink into a dark future OR to imagine a rosy resolution. Resist the temptation to be either a Doomsayer or a Pollyanna. Yes, there are wars raging, immigrants fleeing one wretched life only to begin another, too many deaths. At the same time, there are countless examples of ordinary people being brave , generous, and creating beauty.
It’s not impossible to live with both realities. It’s also not simple–but you can do this hard thing.