Now that the pandemic is beginning to abate (I know, it’s not over), some of us have experienced what is called “languishing.” It’s a sort of “blah” feeling that makes you not really want to do much of anything. It’s a sense of stagnation and in some cases emptiness. Staying at home was a relief for many, an opportunity to turn down social engagements you really didn’t want to attend. We all got used to getting up when we felt like it, staying in our pjs until noon (unless we needed to be on a Zoom in which case we put a shirt on), not putting on makeup unless we had to go out, and ordering take out and food delivery.
Now that it is safer to go out, some are excited and ready to go. They seem ready to fill their days with appointments and classes and obligations. Others are wistful and wishing for the days in which we could do what we wanted or nothing at all. It’s not really depression, as this New York Times article explains, however. And naming it does help. If someone asks you how you are doing, if you can say “I’m actually languishing,” it can start a more useful conversation than simply denying how you feel and responding “Just fine.”
Some of us are still not fine, and that is ok. If we don’t know someone personally who died of COVID-19, we know someone who had it and still may not feel up to par. Going out and having to wear a mask just reminds us all that it is not over. The virus is lurking in the air, perhaps mutating and spreading in a different way. So while we can see our families and other vaccinated friends, there is still a lingering sense of anxiety and dread that doesn’t go away. And it doesn’t go away with every TV news program telling us constantly how many new cases there are and how many are dying today. It’s hard to remember the time when we didn’t wake up to the news about a new outbreak, either here or abroad. Underlying the sense of languishing is really a lot of loss and sadness. Loss of the way things used to be and probably never will be again. Loss of the freedom we had to say no to things we didn’t want to do.
What is the antidote to languishing? Some experts suggest identifying small and achievable goals, like making a call to a friend you have been ignoring or doing one task you have been putting off. Just one thing. Doesn’t have to be monumental. Another option is to set aside some time each day to give yourself the permission to do nothing on purpose. Ease yourself back into social interaction by having one lunch or dinner outside with a friend who is vaccinated. Each of these small steps can help you find purpose and focus, slowly and at your own pace. What will not help is too much isolation. Get out, even if it just means going to the supermarket, or to a park to watch kids playing. There is plenty of joy and activity around and it won’t rub off on you if you don’t expose yourself to it. Bottom line — it’s ok not to feel quite normal yet. Just don’t beat yourself up about it!