I definitely miss being able to walk as far, being able to see without glasses and being able to work for hours and hours in my garden; however, the thing I think I miss most is always having new goals and having exciting things to look forward to. When I was very young, my goals tended to go back and forth between losing weight and getting a boyfriend to losing that weight again and getting a new better boyfriend.
After school my goals changed to getting a good job, getting promoted and getting a better job. My biggest goal in my 20’s was finding the perfect husband and the two of us having a family and getting a little house with a white picket fence. My goals then centered mainly on my kids and wanting them to be whatever they wanted. Another goal during that time was completing my degree and graduate degree.
I have always been a goal-oriented person who needs things to work for, things to achieve and results to anticipate. When I first retired at 64, I had a goal of getting involved in the community and volunteering in our senior community. I accomplished this to my satisfaction serving on our City Council on Aging, Ventura County Area Agency, our Senior Center Commission, serving as a Long Term Care Ombudsman and being a founding Board member of Conejo Valley Village.
So now what? Maybe at 76 I should just give up on the goal thing? Many professionals believe that without goals it is difficult to find a sense of purpose or true meaning in our lives as we age. Numerous studies indicate seniors with purpose are less likely to develop dementia, have heart attacks or strokes and have a longer life. They will be more physically active, take better care of their health and be less susceptible to stress. All the experts on aging agree that it is better to set goals that you will really enjoy and get satisfaction from.
Researching goal setting for myself has made me realize that I have reached a very happy and contented place in life. Does this mean that I no longer need to have goals and purpose? I believe we continue to need goals and purpose but mine are very different from those earlier specific ambitious plans and goals. Being grateful every morning for the things I can do without focusing on things I cannot do or do as well has been helpful for me. Focusing on my gifts of wonderful family, friends and dogs is so much easier than ruminating over losses or things not achieved. Having a plan for the future is critical now but this does not mean living in fear or dread of what could happen. Instead It allows us to live in the present with a sense of well being for our years to come.
In writing this I have realized that so many of my hopes and goals are for my children, grandchildren and friends. Yesterday I asked a friend what her goals were. She is recovering from a major health issue that made it necessary to leave her home of 40 years and moved into a residential care facility. She is younger than I so this hit home quickly. Her answer was “I just want to be better.” Her second wish was to have a dog again to love and share life with. These goals sound simple to most of us but for her they are extremely difficult. Her goals are now my goals and they are shared with several of her good friends.
I guess I don’t really miss having those exciting and ambitious goals. Happiness now can be a Monday with a painting workshop in the morning and mahjong at home with friends in the afternoon. And for now, for me that is really okay.